Only a Friday Away

Next Friday we find out if I matched and then the following Monday we find out where I matched... I didn't think I was anxious about the upcoming news but my behavior tells me otherwise. I am eating a lot more chocolate - usually in the evenings when the day slows down and I have time to think about our UNKNOWN future. I am craving coffee all day long in order to increase my already rapid thought process and avoid any chance to process the potential required changes in the near future. I have been waking up several times a night consumed with "What if's" about next year. Falling asleep is anxiety ridden because my mind naturally wanders to the Internship File, which usually remains under lock and key until my head hits the pillow. To be honest I am scared to find out the news next week because things are going to change and I like where we are in life. I am afraid of my response to the news and the disappointment I am sure to feel regardless of the placement.... because it is final - I have no more say in the matter and change is hard for me!

This week I have come to realize that the site I ranked #1 is where I whole heartedly want to be next year and this makes the process all the more risky. At the core I do know and believe that God is in control and that he can use me anywhere- and even still the angst remains.