some of my favorite things here

The local co-op where I can buy many of the goodies I enjoyed back home.

Neighborhood sidewalks

Amazing scenery- greenery everywhere and breath taking sunsets!

Seeing the sun everyday:)

10 minute drive to work

Going to church with people our age again.

Jason making dinner more and helping out around the house DAILY;0

Crock-pot meals

the time to bake and cook again

flea markets

garage sales

dental insurance

late Sunday morning breakfast (b/c church is at night here)

Life in the South

Jason and are settling in here. Work is going better than expected and I am so thankful for the opportunity to continue my personal and professional development in such a progressive and supportive environment. As a family we have decided that Jason will use this time to write and try to get published in preparation for his future schooling. We have made many changes in the last few months as a couple and we are doing surprisingly well. On Sunday evenings we have been attending church at All Souls which is a comfortable mix of Presbyterianism and Pentecostalism for us. We hope to visit local churches on Sunday mornings to experience the church culture here. Life is truly going well and we are very blessed- we defiantly see purpose in our move and trust that we will continue to unravel the plan.

Creative Energy

This week I turned my carry on bag into an underwear and sock "drawer" and my shoe box (the only one I brought from home) into a jewelery box. I was getting real tired of rooting through 3 different bags to find the right accessory so instead I now hang my earrings over the edge of the box and lay my necklaces out in the bottom of the box- it is a great set-up and it was absolutely FREE!

Week Two

Our second week here is going MUCH better. This weekend we hit up some more garage sales. We got our first chair- a wooden rocker. Jason's rear end was starting to hurt from sitting on the floor so we really had to do something and fortunately we came across some folks who were down sizing from a farm house. At the next garage sale we met Jennifer and Joey who will be married in 3 weeks. We bought a full mattress and box spring set and a microwave (a very clean one I might add) from them and they even offered to deliver it the next day. When Joey brought the stuff by on Sunday he also offered us the furniture he didn't sale the day before. So we got a desk, futon, and four chairs all at no extra cost. We felt really blessed by his generosity. Jason and I both slept like babies on our new bed. On Monday at work another intern from this area offered us a coffee table, 2 end tables, a dresser, and a box full of extras - we gladly accepted. This week we are feeling very thankful for all God has provided!

ALL in one day...

My parents offered to drive our stuff out so Jason and I could spend a few more days fixing up our house. We managed to get it all done and feel very satisfied with the outcome. We will miss our girl for the year- we have been blessed by her character and charm! Thursday morning we headed to the airport and thankfully our flight to Nashville went very smoothly. Chris my brother-in-law gave us fabulous advice to get on the first flight out of PDX and it worked (we had standby tickets)- thanks Chris! Mom and Dad met us at the airport and we all headed downtown for dinner. What we saw of Nashville was less than impressive however, we did stumble upon a great BBQ place to eat- Jacks Bar-B-Que (http://www.jacksbarbque.com/). Early on Friday morning we saw Mom and Dad off at the airport. We went back to the hotel and slept for a few more hours. When I woke up I could feel a migraine coming on. By 10am I had locked myself in the hotel bathroom to keep the light out of my eyes. We had to check out at noon so Jason loaded us all up while I laid on the bathroom floor trying to keep my nausea at bay. Jason drove the 2 and 1/2 hour drive to our new home for a year. I thought I was feeling better and then while driving along the freeway this happened,
Me- "Jason my stomach really hurts, I think I am going to barf."
Jason- "just let me know and I can pull over"
Me- dry heaving
Jason- "roll down the window" as he is pulling onto the shoulder
Me- opening car door and letting it all out "ok I think I am all done"
Jason- "we can wait a minute"
Me- and yet again I find myself hanging out the door for several minutes
Jason- back on the road again

I did feel better and I thought well this will probably be the worst part of our day. Once in town we picked up our keys and headed to our apartment. On the way over I found out we wouldn't have electricity until Monday- yikes! As we opened the door to our new home we were greeted with a cloud of smoke. Obviously my inquiry about ridding our apartment of smoke before we arrived hadn't meant much over the phone... While unloading the car I fell off the stairs and twisted my foot ruining one of my favorite pairs of pants and bruising the top of my foot. It began to swell immediately. Jason did the rest of the unloading! In an effort to avoid the apartment Jason and I headed out for the night. When we returned Jason informed me of the unclean state of our apartment. I have wondered sometimes if Jason notices/cares about how clean I keep things and in this case it became apparent that he does. We both slept well our first night in town and when woke up we happily found the electricity had been turned on. We spent the day hitting up yard sales in an effort to furnish our apartment. Shopping is tiring work so last night we spent the night at home, trying to adjust to our surroundings. Since our arrival we have been enjoying the greenery (which is very similar to home)and the beautiful southern sunsets.

Tennessee

we are finally here.. nothing like I thought it would be and possibly much harder than I imagined. Please keep us in your prayers- I see very clearly that this will give both J and I an opportunity to be more like Christ and the truth is this really really hurts! I feel broken, stripped, alone...

music for my soul

In the process of moving far far away from friends and family I am listening to songs that remind me that God is in control. Check out some of my favs-

Annie Bethancourt's song "the birds of the air" (for some reason the link won't work so you'll have to go to my space and search Annie Bethancourt)

My little sis told me about JJ Heller and along with "Save Me" I really like "Small" and "Only Love Remains" (again for some reason the link won't work so you'll have to go to my space and search JJ Heller) -she is from Nashville and I am hoping to see her live while I am out south maybe with my sister?:)

veggies anyone?

I feel like a little kid again with my garden- each day I go out back to check on my little ones and to measure any new growth. Just this week my seeds turned into veggies- WOW. I officially have green and yellow beans growing:) My lettuce has started to sprout too- oh how I love my greens! Sadly, the more shaded areas of my garden aren't doing as well but I think a little time might be just what they need(my fingers are crossed:)


The beans were the first to sprout!


I used the cilantro for dinner last night- I loved picking it right before I put it on the table.


At dinner time I can't wait to be able to say, "what kind of greens would you like in your salad tonight?"

Homemade Goodies

My friend Annie is quite the cook/baker and she has inspired me to make more things from scratch. So last night an hour before the guests showed up I thought, "what can I make for dessert?" In an effort to use what I already have, I remembered Annie and her good old fashioned homemade ways. I called her for the brownie recipe she made for us in Sun River and gave it a try. Yum, Yum- I love homemade treats. Plus it feels good to make something with the stuff I already have. I have been thinking about the time before boxed mixes and how everyone cooked/baked from scratch and how dependant I have become on mixes and pre-made stuff. I am eager to pick-up some of the old fashion skills our society has tossed aside in pursuit of instant gratification. Take sewing for instance- I think I would enjoy the process of picking out fabric and patterns and putting the peices all together. In my book that would be time and creative energey well spent.

Annie's Brownies:
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
1/2 cup flour (I used whole wheat and no-one noticed:)
1/3 cup cocoa
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
(Per Jason's request, I added 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips and they were great- I think next time I would decrease the butter a bit because of the added oil in the chocolate chips...)
Pre-heat oven to 350
Mix all ingredients and put in a 9 inch pan
Bake for 20-25 (or until you start smelling them)

the weather out there

Yesterday as the rain came down I did find myself wondering what it was like in Knoxville... If you ever wonder what temps we might experience in Tennessee check out the site below

http://www.wunderground.com/cgi-bin/findweather/getForecast?query=37920

Our first "going away party"

Yesterday afternoon the youth group had a going away party for us. This is an event that has been in the making for awhile now and so the reality of us leaving in one month hit me hard yesterday. I so don't feel ready to go... I am having a lot of mixed emotions- mostly sad. I think this is consistent with the way I process, 1st stage: overly optimistic, 2nd stage: overly sad, and 3rd stage: realistic. I think I have moved into the overly sad stage and will be here for awhile. Jason and I have a great life here and leaving will be hard- yes I realize we will grow and learn much but change is very hard. I wish I could have all the people I love together and hold them really close and tight.

This week

Monday- returned home from a long weekend in Sun River. Paul, Annie, Eli, and Mindy joined us and we had so much fun playing games, eating yummy food, and enjoying the outdoors. We've been friends with the Robinsons for 7 years now and spending the weekend with them reminds us what great friends they have been throughout the years. Going on vacation with Mindy is like living with her- SIMPLY WONDERFUL!

Tuesday- celebrated our 8th anniversary with Beth & Jeremiah who were married on the exact same day as us! Upon rising, Jason cut roses from our garden and filled our living room with arrangements. I spent the day planting my first garden. First I weeded, which I discovered I actually enjoy digging each weed up individually- it feels like victory over and over again. I planted leeks (maybe too many:), red, green and white onions, carrots, beets, green and yellow beans, squash, kale, and brussel sprouts. I also planted a few herbs. I will plant purple and green cabbage, mint, rosemary, corn, snow peas, and a variety of lettuces this weekend. We have a large garden area and I am so thankful for the room to grow many herbs and veggies. In the evening Johnsons came over and we grilled salmon and asparagus (both in season) and a side of jasmine rice with lime and cilantro (Beth great idea -it was so tasty!) After dinner we played games and laughed with one another. Then we headed to OBA in the Pearl for happy hour. It was a treat to celebrate our friendships and our marriages together.

Wednesday- dissertation work:) and dinner at the Robinson's. It seems like they are always coming here so we decided to head over to their apartment for dinner. We had yummy homemade chicken noodle soup and bread- Annie is a great cook! We had strawberry shortcake and whipped cream for dessert. We played card games and 10,000 to end the evening!

Thursday- more dissertation work and dinner with 2 of our favorite high school girls.
We made what we had and enjoyed each other's company.

Today- I hope to clean the house, finish up some odds and ends and make Zuppa Tuscana for dinner- Annie gave me the recipe and Jason loves it. Tonight we will enjoy dinner with one of my friends from GFU.

Tomorrow- Rain or shine we are leveling and seeding the back yard:) We got it ready 2 weeks ago and it has been muddy since so tomorrow we are going for it regardless of the weather.

The BIG Move

We calculated our move today and it is only 2,534 miles. It will take aprox. 1 day (24hrs) + 13 more hours of non-stop driving to reach our new home. Traveling at a pace of about 5-7 hrs per day will require a whole week of traveling- Yikes this is a long ways away! Camping and brown bag meals seem like the most economical and fun to me but Jason isn't too keen on a weeks worth of instant oatmeal and pb & honey. Of course we'll take our french press and stumptown coffee to get the mornings rolling. I am hoping I can talk Jason into a few brief hikes and possible off the routed path excursions. We are headed out in about 6 weeks and I think our latest decision is not to bring much because of the cost of moving it all there and back. I can't believe how expensive it is to move- 1 bedroom for about $2000. So we'll arrive with little and find some needed goods on craigslist or at goodwill. This will be quite the adventure!

Wrapping up loose ends

I have stumbled across another weakness of mine or shall I say it has been brought to my attention that some of my behavior is counter-productive to my relationships. So here it is, I am a starter but not always a timely finisher. I am enthusiastic about the beginning and jump in head first. I get going on the project but sometimes leave a lot of loose ends to be taken care of later (date still to be decided). This causes me a great deal of anxiety and worry because I usually have to hold on to all little pieces that need to be wrapped up. Well this might work, and probably use to when I was working on one or two projects at a time, but now that I have at least 10 things going all the time the loose ends are strangling me! I see this affecting my relationships too because it means when trying to focus on any one thing or person I have a zillion other thoughts of what I need to do next- so much for quality time. I am jumping all over the place all the time just trying to manage the loose ends. Also, I often lack a sense of accomplishment because by the time I complete the project I am so mad at myself for dragging it on that there is no celebration in its completion! In fact most tasks usually become dreaded by the end and I am just relieved to be finally done. I am not sure how to remedy this problem but am confident that I will have many more opportunities to practice wrapping up loose ends in a timely fashion.

Money, Sex, and Power by Richard Foster

I finally finished this book today. It has taken me almost one year to complete because it is quite thought provoking and convicting. I have thoroughly enjoyed the book because of the counter-culture perspective it presents and its applicable nature to my daily life.

In reading the epilogue today, I really appreciated this section on Living the Vows

"The vows of simplicity, fidelity, and service are for all Christians at all times. They are categorical imperatives for obedient followers of the obedient Christ. They are the beginning point from which we explore the depths of the spiritual life and discover our mission in the world...The vows call us to a vigorous social witness. We stand in contradiction to the dominant culture, which has given its soul to the vows of greed, permissiveness, and selfishness. We critique empty values of contemporary society, and call it to joyful discipleship to Christ."

just one more round

so I've picked up the knitting needles again. Yes, I am still working on Jason's birthday sweater of 2004. Lets just say I've gotten lots and lots of practice on this project! Back at it again and enjoying myself.

good morning

I stumbled across this quote this morning and it spoke volumes to me about the anxiety within that I try to avoid daily. At times it seems counter-intuitive to think that if I choose to avoid my anxiety it will only get BIGGER, forcing me to deal with it eventually. I just want it to go away because honestly it feels too messy to deal with. So I think, "By not acknowledge the anxiety it will go away." I've tried this a few times and it doesn't seem to be effective or a very efficient way of handling my emotions. This quote spoke of my experiential finding.....

"When you repress or suppress those things which you don't want to live with, you don't solve the problem because you don't bury the problem dead- you bury it alive. It remains alive and active inside you." John Powell

Today is that FRIDAY!

I awoke this morning at 6:20 to find an email awaiting me from National Matching Services Inc. I couldn't bring myself to read it right away so I went to the bathroom and then read a few friend's emails informing me that they had been matched. Finally, I opened the email and found that I too had been matched. Thankfulness and sadness gripped my heart....Thankful that the work is done (those that didn't match have to enter the Clearinghouse on Monday and start the interviewing process all over again). Sad because on Monday we'll find out where we are going and the chances of staying in the area are slim to none. All along I've been telling J, "its only for a year." And it is but we are so rooted here and I really, really don't want to leave our family and friends. I'll post the news on Monday.....

Only a Friday Away

Next Friday we find out if I matched and then the following Monday we find out where I matched... I didn't think I was anxious about the upcoming news but my behavior tells me otherwise. I am eating a lot more chocolate - usually in the evenings when the day slows down and I have time to think about our UNKNOWN future. I am craving coffee all day long in order to increase my already rapid thought process and avoid any chance to process the potential required changes in the near future. I have been waking up several times a night consumed with "What if's" about next year. Falling asleep is anxiety ridden because my mind naturally wanders to the Internship File, which usually remains under lock and key until my head hits the pillow. To be honest I am scared to find out the news next week because things are going to change and I like where we are in life. I am afraid of my response to the news and the disappointment I am sure to feel regardless of the placement.... because it is final - I have no more say in the matter and change is hard for me!

This week I have come to realize that the site I ranked #1 is where I whole heartedly want to be next year and this makes the process all the more risky. At the core I do know and believe that God is in control and that he can use me anywhere- and even still the angst remains.

he's been calling me bangs

Fortunately, I have not had many bad haircuts in the last 10 years, not bad enough to remember anyway. However, a few weeks ago I went in for a bang TRIM and unfortunately my usual hair stylist was out but because I was leaving town the next day for another interview I settled. I was nervous about the trim in the first place but decided that un-kept hair might not reflect well in my upcoming interviews so I cautiously approached the swirling chairing and put on the black wrap. I asked for a TRIM and boy did I get one. My bangs were so short- I was speechless. I have always wondered what I would look like with bangs straight across my forehead but this was not the ideal time to try out a new look. I left the hair on the floor and started on my way home, dodging all reflections of my new do. On the car ride home Annie and I laughed so hard we cried. She gave me several pep talks (I think she got some good practice in for the speeches she will one day give to Eli) about how my character will shine through at the interviews and that hair style really isn't that important anyway and if a site doesn't pick me because of my hair than I really don't want to be in that shallow of an environment anyway. I was feeling a little bit better, then Paul arrived at the house and the first thing he said to me was, "What did you do to your hair? Why are you wearing it that way?" A little while later J came home and noticed the big change too- there was lots of laughter in the kitchen that night! Mindy was encouraging, "they'll grow out and if you got your eyebrows waxed they might look better. I even have a friend we could call and ask to do it." The eyebrow wax did help but the bangs still were too short- especially for the hairstyle I currently have. My sister came for the weekend and said, "what is up with your hair?" I told here that I was planning to get the rest of my hair cut to match the bangs when we returned from my last interview and that sadly my original plan to start growing out my hair had been thwarted. As predicted, my bangs have grown out a bit in the last few weeks but in the meantime Jason has adopted a new nickname for me "bangs" -it really is affectionate and we laugh every time he says it. I am excited for my appointment on Thursday- I like feeling cute and a hair cut can really make or break this feeling. This experience has given me a new appreciation for a GOOD HAIRCUT! I pay my stylist not just for the cut but for the creativity and ability to shape my hair in a way that is flattering- given the texture of my hair and features of my face. Now I know she is worth every penny and more!

you know you've found the right doctor when....

You smile when you find your yearly reminder in the mail.

You are excited to make a follow-up appointment- even it is for your yearly exam!

You can ask her to hold your hand when blood is being drawn and she actually does it with a smile on her face and warmth in her touch- NO SHAMING INVOLVED!

You create a blog to tell all your friends how important it is to find the "right" doctor and you are oozing with delight about finding your own "right" doc because you too have experienced the "not so right" doc just like so many other women out there.

Ladies be encouraged, there are in fact some good side-bed mannered docs out there- happy hunting!

at home and back to work

I flew in last night and I am back in the swing of things my first day back.

Made breakfast for my love

Prepared all my meals at home- YUMMY real food!

Did my weekly household chores

Paid some bills and called to inform others that their $$$ was in the mail- OOPS!

Started working on my dissertation again- yikes I've got to get BUSY

Wrote and sent a few thank you notes to the interviewers at my most favorite sites:)

Visited my gym- it feels good to work out at my neighborhood gym again

Went tutoring with Jason

Hung out at one of my favorite coffee shops doing homework and BLOGGING!

Now I've got to get back to work as I only have a few more hours to finish my to do list for the day.

Breaking the silence...

I am in a blog funk..... For the last several months (dating back to the start of internship applications and prelim dissertation deadlines- August?)although I love to chat it up, I haven't been in the "mood" to blog. Quite frankly my energy level has been depleted and the last thing I feel like doing, inside or outside of school, is writing. Even though I've been away from school the last month, I have been exhausted by internship interviews. Some of the interview days were from 8am to 6pm with 7 personal interviews packed in and I needed 2 days to rest off the nerves and prepare for the next one. My words have been taken up and my creativity spent. The good news is that things are a changing as I finished the last of my in person interviews on Tuesday! This trip was simply wonderful for several reasons:

1. It marked the end of my 5 week travel with only 4 days spent at home.

2. My younger sister Koy'a joined me and we had a girl's weekend- I can't remember the last time it was just the 2 of us!

3. The part of Cali we visited was 5 miles from the beach and the town was more beautiful than expected! The landscape was very green and the hills were a rollings.

4. I didn't have to fly alone- I have decided that I really don't like to fly and being alone only makes it worse.

5. I celebrated the completion of my last interview with a movie (Juno), shopping (BR), and a 30 minute massage with my sister.

Well, those are just a few of the top reasons why this trip was so relaxing and refreshing. As the words return I hope to find myself back in the mood to share the happenings of my life.