The FIRST INTERVIEW

I am proud to say that I DID IT- I made it through my first interview and feel pretty good about the whole thing to be honest. The best part of the interview was my ability to be ME- really me. I wasn't overly nervous and I felt comfortable. The interviewers asked thoughtful questions but not the kind that are really a "TEST" Other than its location I was ready to rank the site today. The population is ideal, I'd be working in a foster boarding home and a group home of unwed mothers and their children (0-5). The staff seemed warm and knowledgeable. It is a Catholic organization so faith is acknowledged and accepted. Therapy and diagnosis are emphasized and the orientation is both dynamic and cbt. It was a great place for a first interview - I thought to myself at one point, "Kara, you really do know a lot about working with kids." It was a confidence booster. I am glad it is over and I look forward to a few weeks of rest in between the next set of interviews.

THE COUNT

So far I have 9 interviews, 1 rejection, and 4 more to be decided by Friday.

I can't even begin to tell you how amazed I am. Honestly, I was hoping for a couple of interviews and would have been thrilled with 4. Jason, Mindy, and I would joke about only being able to take 7 due to finances. So far I am flying to 3 places and trying to knock out 2 interviews per air flight. And it just so happens that J & I have been accruing air miles for the last 7 and a half years. Right now (perfect timing) we have enough for 4 round trip tickets. I have 5 interviews scheduled, am negotiating with 1 site, and am trying to decide if I should go to the 3 others..... We are thinking "so do we really want to live in Florida, Connecticut, or California?" I think Connecticut is out and Florida might be in its way too but we vacillate with California because even though it is expensive. it is the closest to our family who we are already starting to miss and nothing is finalized yet! The locations of the sites I have already confirmed interviews are: Kentucky, Tennessee, Louisiana, and NY. The sites in Kentucky and Tennessee are only 2 hrs apart so J will hopefully join me on this trip and we will drive from site to site. Jason and I haven't done much traveling since our honeymoon so this will be a fun adventure for us. I love car trips, as a result of my childhood vacations:)- thanks Dad and Mom, but J doesn't seem to get excited about them unless it is in APPALACHIA territory. Looks like this trip will be a WIN WIN- I love when that happens! Thanks for all your prayers and your willingness to hear me talk about my grad school experiences over and over. Friends and family I could not have done this with out you all- thanks for your love and support. MORE TO COME...

Deep Roots: Part I

Today I blog about many things because I can- I am actually taking the time to sit at a coffee shop, sip on coffee, and write about the things I WANT TO- hope you enjoy

I saw a picture that reminded me of my love of lakes and rivers. (I'd post the picture but can't get it to work!) As a child my parents took the family camping every year and on these vacations we would swim, ski, inter-tube, float, wade, or any other activity that one could do in water. These are my favorite childhood memories- I was free to run a muck. I fondly think of the warm summer days lounging around with my loving family and surmise that summer is in fact my favorite season because of these formidable experiences. As an adult I realize how much work it was for my parents- thank you Mom and Dad for working so hard on my behalf! I am indebted to you for the love and affection you have shown me throughout the years!

The picture also reminded me of the many summers I spent at Dorena lake as a teenager. Koy'a I think fondly of the years we spent growing together. You are the kind of sister who loves, loves, loves, and loves some more. Jason tries to analyze our relationship and often says, "Kara you take care of Koy'a more like an the oldest sibling would." I of course pipe in and say, "Koy'a takes care of me too J. We are this way (naturally I psychologize our relationship- just trying to remain consistent)because we shared a room and even when we didn't we still acted like we be. We were only 19 months apart- In my memory Koy'a has always been there and will always will be. This makes "us" special friends." Koy'a thank you for loving me, enjoying me, and pursuing me.

Naturally this brings me to Kaysia- my adult years have been showered with Kaysia's generosity. She has been the "older sister" who naturally helped her little sis out time and again. I think fondly of when I first moved to "her" city and she made the time to work out with me- oh the YMCA. I think it was Kaysh who got me into exercising- most who know me when asked about me would mention my enthusiasm for exercise and would find it hard to imagine me without it. What a great example Kaysh was for a young, very young (late bloomer:) aspiring girl in a new city. Thanks Kaysh for loving me with both your words and deeds throughout the years. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and know that I can always count on you.

More to come on my roots....

Update- I did it!

Well it is over and yes I passed. I must say I am disappointed with the "let down"- I still have all the adrenaline but am feeling exhausted. I should sleep for days but my mind is racing! In fact now my mind feels even more full with all the loose ends I've let unravel over the last 3-4 months. Might I also mention that with the holiday season upon us and the increase of traffic and RAIN, running errands is even less desirable. As if taking clothes to the dry cleaners or picking up air filters for the furnace was ever that enjoyable in the first place.....

I am thankful it is over but truly I wish it were all over- including the internship interviews and placement for next year. Sometimes I wish it were more about "getting there" then about the "process of getting there" because the process is the hardest part.

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement!

Prelim or Bust

Well tomorrow is a big day for me as I am scheduled to present my dissertation proposal to my committee. I am seeking their approval and the green light to start collecting the data. After 12 years of volunteer schooling, I am both aware of how blessed I am to have the opportunity to gain this education as well as the exhaustion I currently feel as a result of this pursuit. I wish my presentation tomorrow brought closure but I am aware that this marks another beginning. If I pass I will start collecting the data like a mad women as I aim to have it all gathered by the end of this semester so I can start analyzing the data and writing up the results and discussion during the summer. I want to be done with this project by the time I leave for internship. It will take more hard work and discipline to meet this goal.

Please keep me in your prayers tomorrow from 4-6 as I present. I'll post the outcome......

4 months and counting

Can't believe it has been four months since my last entry. I made promises and failed to keep them.... This semester has been the hardest for me so far and I found extra words were few and far between. I am looking forward to catching up on sleep- not sure this is possible- and spending time with friends and family. I must admit that knowing we are likely to be leaving this summer stirs up a desire to disconnect now. It is hard to think about all I'll miss while away. The closer the reality of moving comes the less appealing it sounds. Thats all for now.

No more blogging promises- just one day at a time.

29 has come and gone

I celebrated my 30th birthday last week..... I had a wonderful day and felt very loved throughout the evening as I was surrounded by good friends. Here is to another year of love, peace, and hope.

good smelling things....

I love this scent.

An unpredictable story...

It is my belief that we all live according to a narrative. The stories we tell ourselves are powerful promoters of thoughts, feelings and actions. I see the outworking of this in my marriage. The other day in an argument, Jason questioned my conclusion about his behavior. I discovered that my interpretation of the situation was based on one of the roles I've traditionally scripted Jason to play. Here are a few of the stories I tell myself and the consequential behavior it leads to.

1. I am the hard worker in our marriage and he is the smart one - I clean and he reads
2. Jason is a night owl and Kara is the early bird- He tucks me in nightly and I try to rouse him in the wee hours of the afternoon.
3. Kara is the emotional one and Jason is the logical one- Kara plays the emotionally disturbed individual while Jason is the hero who convinces her that all is well.

These stories are true in part but are far from the whole. The high price for the type of black and white certainty I am drawn to is FREEDOM and HOPE- for change. In addition, I often lack acceptance of change when it inevitably occurs. Caught in the prescribed roles of my story I forget that both Jason and I possess the ability to create our own lines. I like scripts as they provide a sense of security, I can read ahead and know how it is all going to turn out. The script I've been living by and imposing on my husband isn't consistent with the Christian narrative I embrace as it lacks the potential for human change and growth.

This week we laughed at some of our recent observations:
1. On several occasions Jason has dragged me to bed after midnight.
2. Jason cleaned the toilet.
3. He was up 2x this week before me
4. He showered before we went out and I didn't!
5. A recent conversation:

Kara: lets invite people over
Jason: tonight?
Kara: how about right now?
Jason: I thought you'd want us to clean up the place first?
Kara: It's not that messy.

I blogged a few weeks ago about my new found appreciation and enjoyment of surprises- I think my thoughts today are connected. I am eager to be surprised as Jason and I create the pages of our novel together- i love unpredictable books that hold me in suspense and force me to read on......

a good morning

Jason and I actually did it- we planned a coffee date at Stumptown before he left for work at 11:00 today and we followed through. For most this activity might seem commonplace however for Jason and Kara this is anything but ordinary. Jason likes to sleep in and I am usually consumed with my morning "to do" list. I was thankful this wasn't the case this morning as we walked hand in hand to our local Stumptown dealer. We sipped coffee and read together for an hour. It was Jason who had to take off first while I stayed to finish my book. What a wonderful way to start my day.

I just finished reading...

This was a thought provoking book- religiously and politically. I am eager to hear other's thoughts on the ideas presented by Ayaan Hirsi Ali.

Things I've come to enjoy

1. knitting anywhere- on the bus, in line at the coffee shop, in the car, watching Law & Order
2. Stumptown coffee- you can always count on a good cup of coffee.
3. Taking a break after working hard
4. Candle lit showers
5. morning workouts
6. staying up late
7. Riding the bus- we have a great public transportation system
8. Music and concerts
9. The crisp morning air
10. reading
11. the online dictionary and thesaurus
12. living with house-mates
13. apple juice sweetened cranberries- yum, yum
14. Fall
15. Blueberries and Cream
16. Variety- in my schedule, clothes and food
17. Popcorn with brewers yeast
18. Camping at the beach
19. NPR
20. Jason's sense of humor
21. Saturdays without a TO DO LIST- that means no chores either.
22. blogging
23. mix matched outfits- "variety is the spice of life" so my husband tells me.
24. a man's hand touch in the garden



Jason brought these in from the yard today- they remind me of my mom. When I was a child we typically had a vase, in the center of the kitchen table, filled with colorful roses. My mother tended to the roses back then much like Jason tends to ours now.

25. working in the yard with Jason- it is fun to work on projects together!



Here is our first section of new grass. Looking at our house from the street, this is the far left side of our driveway. Our neighbor re-did his entire lawn with sod over the weekend and upon completion found that he had a few pieces left over, so he offered them to us. Yesterday, we tilled, raked, and leveled the ground in preparation of the sod. We are excited to transform the outside of our home.....

We decided to make the rest of the long strip (it goes all the way back to the end of our property line in the backyard, alongside the garage)part of the vegetable garden. We will get some good top soil and see what we can grow this late in the season.

26. I've also come to enjoy the saying, "SOME is better than none."

unraveled at the seams

Since we bought our tickets to NY in February, I have been planning on making significant progress on Jason's birthday sweater of 2003. Yes, I am aware that it is 2007 and that I have taken the sweater apart more times than I care to admit- so it is a work in progress, just like me. Back to the point- flying and knitting. I had envisioned a peaceful trip with my needles in hand and my yarn taking on an identifiable shape. My naive fantasy involving circular and double pointed needles in mid-air reveals the absence of any flying adventures I've had in the last seven years. Not until today, when a co-worker told me of her disdain for airport procedures, were my dreams of spools of yarn and rounds of needles ruined. I inquired and learned the many "No, No's" of the airfield. It is sad that knitting needles are now considered weapons. Can't blame a girl for having big dreams- the smile on her husband's face when she finally gave him his long awaited birthday gift. I look forward to the day when LOVE not hate and violence prevails- when the lamb will lay down with the lion again.

He said what?

Jason: While I am gone, I need you to clean our bedroom.

As most of you know Jason has spent the last 7 years trying to get me to STOP cleaning. His love of learning was contagious and so instead of cleaning, he talked me into reading. I was excited to join Jason's world and as a result we currently house 5 book shelves worth of books and neither of has completed our final degree..... With each year of education the time allotted for cleaning gets scaled down. With the purchase of our home last year and all of the work that it required, my cleaning time become non-existent. And thus we arrive in the present and find Jason- the man who had almost convinced me that cleaning was an overrated luxury, similar to showers so he tells me, not a necessity- asking me to use my god-given cleaning abilities to rid our bedroom of dirt and dust. It was a request that I fantasized about many a nights over the course of our relationship. I also had an insight about the dynamics of our cyclical cleaning battles, "maybe I haven't exposed Jason to enough dirt?" This thought was succeeded by the following conversation...

Jason: "Kara, what's this pink stuff in the shower?"

Kara: "MOLD!"

Jason: "I've never seen pink mold in our bathroom."

Jason, a few minutes later: "how do you get it off?"

Kara: "clean."

This week Jason changed one of the long standing narratives in our relationship; Kara cleans and Jason doesn't notice. Jason not only noticed and requested the dirt be CLEANED, he also cleaned his first toilet in 7 years and scrubbed his first bathroom floor. When I awoke, my bathroom sparkled- I am convinced that he too possess the cleaning gift he just hasn't had the need or chance to use it yet:)

Surprised

Just the other day I discovered how much I love surprises. I am someone who likes to be in control, so surprises have never been that attractive. However, my house-mate surprised me with a gift and I can't tell you how much I enjoyed it. The gift was wonderful but the thought that went into it was the real treat..... Below is a picture of the CD I was pleasantly surprised with.



PS- FEIST will be in Portland on June 25Th at the Crystal Ballroom.

Currently listening to....

yet another great find by my Jason. So some women are greeted with flowers or possibly a freshly cleaned house when they get home, but my husband fills our lives with music.

Our Second Bathroom

This is a view of the laundry area and bathroom coming down the stairs from the kitchen. At this point we had put up the walls to separate the 2 rooms, finished the plumbing, and filled in the big dirt hole with cement. You can see our patch-work behind the laundry sink.

The view from the stairs is much more endearing now.


You are looking at the back wall of our bathroom. The pipes have been inspected and we are ready to finish the framing.









This is the shower stall- we had to frame in the pipes that hung down from the ceiling so my father-in-law made it match the shower floor. What would we have done without Father Art?



With the help of my brother-in-law Joel, we got awesome tile and with the help of my mom we laid the tile in the shower- you never know when a tube of liquid nails will come in handy. I now keep an emergency supply in my furnace room- just in case.


This was a team project: Jason's great idea to use the same tile for the counter top- I love it! Kara and Father Art's team work to get it laid and finally Father and Son grouted and sealed the deal.


Now for the finishing touches- mirror above the sink, drawer knobs, paint the baseboards and the walls that we messed up while tiling and putting in the cabinet and toilet. We are so close to having 2 functional bathrooms- the hard work has been well worth the almost finished product! Jason and I couldn't have done it without the help of our family- thank you for the time, energy, and love that you've poured into our home.

The Robinson Family

that's right- and baby makes three. Paul and Annie- (2 of the most wonderful people I know and if I was a betting women,I'd say 3 because Elias is one of the best combinations around)- welcomed their son into the world on April 14Th. On Saturday, I meet baby Elias and enjoyed the company of my good old neighbors. I recalled the days when J and I could just stroll over and say hi- no plan or gas money needed. Paul and Annie are salt of the earth kind of people. Paul is honest- "Kara, you know you really aren't humble" and Annie, she is sugar and spice and everything nice- except when she is telling J to shut up on the deck of our third story apartment. See why Jason and I like them, they keep us in line for each other......... We are blessed to have friends like Paul and Annie! check out the Robinson's Adventures @ http://parobinson.wordpress.com/

Another month.....

Just taking a break from the books and thought I would inform you of my recent activities...... I am in over my head with school work! The pressure is on as the semester winds down. I am overwhelmed with thought of all I need to complete before the end. In 1 month School is out for summer . Although I have completed the credit requirements for my degree, I am contemplating taking a class in the summer- I must be a glutton for punishment. Summer courses are always much lighter and it is only one class verses four or five at a time. Although a full summer off from classes might just be the break I desperately need to recharge. The closer I get to being done the harder it is to stay focused and committed. I dream of a life without the pressure of due dates and late night cram sessions. I want a job I leave on Friday and don't think about until I return on Monday. I know the grass is always greener on the other side- that is how I got myself into another degree. I was working full time and wishing I could be a student again.... Now I am a student and am wishing for a 9-5 job. I am very thankful for the opportunity to get another degree. Jason has been so generous to support, encourage and walk alongside me. Without the love and continual support of my family and friends I would not be where I am- I am so blessed!! Thanks to you all for being patient with me and for listening to all the woes of my educational experience. I am truly grateful.

I'm still here

Don't give up on me yet. It has been a week and counting since my last post. I have been busy reading my textbooks and planning for the future. It is hard to report on the present as I spend way to little time enjoying it. One day, one day - "if not now, then when" Tracy Chapman replies (this is off one of her early CDs). I don't do a good job of balancing all of the things I want to do, like to do, have to do and should do. My wise husband sums it up well, "Kara, your problem is that you have a full plate but you want to be a part of the clean plate club."

What I am listening to these days....

I first started listening to Sherri Youngward when I was in Bible College. I forgot her name but ran into the college friend who first introduced me to Sherri's work and she reminded of the musician's name. My housemate got me this CD for Christmas and I am really enjoying it. I like the many scripture verses she incorporates into her music. Listening helps me remember my calling in this life- to serve God and others. I like music that encourages me to try and do what I was created to do- LOVE......

Ladies, he's my handyman

A while ago Jason heard a scratching noise on the side of the house. He went outside only to find a squirrel in the left eve of our attic. It had already chewed two holes and didn't appear to be afraid of rocks or sticks. So Jason borrowed a neighbor's cat trap and tried to attract it with peanut butter and my favorite stash of nuts in the house- pecans. After a few weeks and no sign of the squirrel we thought our little problem had resolved itself. However, Jason heard the same noise on the other side of the house and sure enough when he went outside our pet squirrel greeted him. This time Jason left the trap outside under the right eve in hope that on the squirrel's way up the house he would get distracted by the aroma of nuts. Yesterday Jason checked the cage and sure enough his plan had worked. Jason and our good friend Jeremiah took the squirrel for a little ride and dropped him off at his new home- the forest. We are hopeful that this was the only squirrel living in the eves but just in case there are more, the cage is repositioned and we are eager to give another squirrel a new, better home. Watch out squirrels- Jason is on the loose and he's much more than your average handyman.

Comfort Clothes

I have officially had the longest weekend ever- 6 days and counting..... I have enjoyed the time at home and am surprised by my productivity despite the inclination to just lie around and soak up the snow. Burr- it has been cold around here. I have found myself layering up each day for warmth and for comfort. In fact for the last 3 days I have layered myself up in the exact same clothes everyday. Yep that's right the same clothes, everyday- Jeans, tank top, thermal and a sweater I bought with my cousin at goodwill when I was 16. You might be tempted to attribute this crazy behavior to the weather but let me dissuade you my friend because on most weekends I do the same. I have favorite comfy clothes for each season and I look forward to wearing them often. Not to mention that it cuts down on the morning routine to already have an outfit that's not only picked out but tried out. I misled you when I disclosed this behavior was isolated to the weekend. During the week I spend my days at a variety of places- school, work and practicum. It is common for me to shuffle between 3 outfits for the whole week (and sometimes just 2 ). I think this behavior is innate. My niece has a favorite shirt and if her mom let her she would wear it around the clock- trust my sister did not nurture this sort of behavior. I like the simplification this adds to my life and I admire the kid in me that enjoys this so.

It is FINISHED.............

I am proud to announce that I received my PGRE scores and finally obtained a passing score, as established by the program I am in. I have mixed feelings about the test as it was difficult for me on several levels. I re-established that I am not a good test taker and resented the fact that my status would be based on my ability to answer multiple choice questions. In fact this seems like the very thing they instruct us not to do with our clients. I am more than a score on a standardized assessment. How hard it was not to base my worth on the results of a test. I was constantly forced to consider my status in the eyes of my creator. WHO AM I? I asked myself over and over and by the last test I had come to the reality that even if I never passed this test I would still be able to fulfill my call to love others as Christ loves me. And maybe in some way- because of the challenge I faced, I am more able to love others who struggle in this area because I experienced the pain myself. The pain of this process was advantageous for my spiritual and emotional life. The process nonetheless was not enjoyable but the opportunity to become more Christ like treasured.

Baby, its cold outside

This is the view from our local coffee shop on a snowy winter day. I was ready for a hot drink and a good book after I had waited at the bus stop for 45 minutes and still no sign of a bus. It was a nice day off to hang out and play with the roomies..... We played games (I can't believe how competitive I get) and watched the musical DREAMGIRLS at our local pub theater. Jason even came along- he found no enjoyment in the movie. In fact as we sat in the dark theater I looked over to find his head in his hands and possibly his fingers plugging his ears. Tomorrow classes have a late start with the possibly that they will be cancelled altogether:) I must admit that a 5 day weekend sounds lovely. Everyone needs a break once in awhile- hope you are enjoying yours to the fullest.

How to be in this world but not a part of it?

Lately, I have been thinking about how I spend money. I wish I had the answers, to what is for me a difficult situation. Money is one of those things that you can't do without and yet it is so easy to over do it. I feel sucked into the consumerism- justifying what I have and what I want to more of. Honestly, I don't typically sit at home and day dream about the things I want or need. I often feel content with all that I have but when I am out and about I want, want, want.... It is like when I am out I forget about the overabundance that I have at home. I become unattached of the plush world I live in and reason that I must have more. When I get home and realize that my closet is overflowing, I am embarrassed and I promise myself I won't buy any more but the cycle inevitably starts again. When I went to Africa I didn't think about what I was wearing or if I fit in, I spent my time with the people and enjoying them.
So I am left asking myself how do I consume and not buy into the consumeristic mentality- for me it is a slippery slope! When can I get the things I like even if it means spending a little more? How do I enjoy the things I have and remain content even when I go out? It is so easy for me to find joy in things! I also see shopping as a stress reliever- I used to be able to window shop and not buy but somehow I buy into society's messages that "more is better" and "that my old stuff isn't good enough" or that "I woudl look so cute and I deserve to look cute" etc... Some of the people I admire most are those who have an abundance but who live mindfully of God and others. Their focus is not things but relationships.

Leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again.

Well it looks like, for the first time since we have been married Jason and I will be traveling this summer. I grew up taking car trips to California every summer to see family and to enjoy the sunshine. When not visiting family for our holiday, it was typical for us to drive hundreds of miles to site see and vacation. In fact some of my fondest memories are of the family driving through the night, sleeping in the car and using the trucker's bathrooms to shower and get ready for the next leg of the trip. I thought this was how all families vacationed. So now that I am all grown up and married I find out that not all families vacationed this way. Needless to say Jason does not like long car rides and in fact he is pretty content staying home. This does have its up sides too. However, it means that we do not travel much. I must admit that every summer we do get away, just not far away. All this to say that, we are planning a trip to New York this summer to see Jason's sister and some college friends. It all started when a friend from school offered us some tickets as her husband works for a airline (THANK YOU L). At this discounted rate Jason and I decided to try something new. Mostly because this summer might be our last opportunity for a while to go East. Generously, Jason agreed to site see and let me plan some of the trip. So - we are flying into DC (neither of us have been there) and meeting up with his sister's family, then we'll be off to Boston (another location neither of us have been) we will then head to upstate NY to stay with Jason's sister. Hopefully while we are there we will visit Montreal (yet another location we have not seen). The last half of our trip will be spent with our college friends and their little boy and new baby. We will head up to NY for a few days and fly out there. I am really excited about the trip and can't wait to see our family and friends.

How to find a good book?

I am currently reading this great book my friend Annie suggested. I love reading but do not have the patience to pick up a book and find out if it is good. Lucky for me I have friends who seem to find really good books and then pass them along to me. I have yet to be disappointed.

an outing with a friend

One of the highlights of the holiday break was

spending time with friends and family. Annie- is one of the most enduring shoppers I know. We often fill our time together running around town. She is also one of the cutest pregnant women I have ever seen. Annie dreamed of the day she would carry her own child and now that she is blessed with the opportunity, she carries him with pride and honor. It is a pleasure to watch Annie grow and bloom into a beautiful mommy. Elias is so lucky to have the Robinson's as parents.

Nephews: who could live without them?

Nephews and nieces are one of the best parts of the Holidays.

What to talk about?

Fellow bloggers-
I sometimes don't blog because I am not sure what to talk about. Do any of you face the same dilemma? I can hear my friends, "what Kara has nothing to talk about?" It is not that I couldn't talk about many, many things- I somehow have this notion that blog-talk must be noteworthy. The content of the blog should be deep and lengthy. When following such guidelines the blog becomes a chore, as each entry requires a great deal of creativity and forethought. YIKES! The blogs I enjoy most are those that are often short in length and informative about the blogger. I love my friend Annie's because she offers a variety of blogs- some deep, some funny, some thought provoking, and some informative. After her, proud three years of blogging, it appears she has the hang of it or maybe it just comes natural for a girl like Annie. I am hopeful that I too will get the hang of it.