he's been calling me bangs

Fortunately, I have not had many bad haircuts in the last 10 years, not bad enough to remember anyway. However, a few weeks ago I went in for a bang TRIM and unfortunately my usual hair stylist was out but because I was leaving town the next day for another interview I settled. I was nervous about the trim in the first place but decided that un-kept hair might not reflect well in my upcoming interviews so I cautiously approached the swirling chairing and put on the black wrap. I asked for a TRIM and boy did I get one. My bangs were so short- I was speechless. I have always wondered what I would look like with bangs straight across my forehead but this was not the ideal time to try out a new look. I left the hair on the floor and started on my way home, dodging all reflections of my new do. On the car ride home Annie and I laughed so hard we cried. She gave me several pep talks (I think she got some good practice in for the speeches she will one day give to Eli) about how my character will shine through at the interviews and that hair style really isn't that important anyway and if a site doesn't pick me because of my hair than I really don't want to be in that shallow of an environment anyway. I was feeling a little bit better, then Paul arrived at the house and the first thing he said to me was, "What did you do to your hair? Why are you wearing it that way?" A little while later J came home and noticed the big change too- there was lots of laughter in the kitchen that night! Mindy was encouraging, "they'll grow out and if you got your eyebrows waxed they might look better. I even have a friend we could call and ask to do it." The eyebrow wax did help but the bangs still were too short- especially for the hairstyle I currently have. My sister came for the weekend and said, "what is up with your hair?" I told here that I was planning to get the rest of my hair cut to match the bangs when we returned from my last interview and that sadly my original plan to start growing out my hair had been thwarted. As predicted, my bangs have grown out a bit in the last few weeks but in the meantime Jason has adopted a new nickname for me "bangs" -it really is affectionate and we laugh every time he says it. I am excited for my appointment on Thursday- I like feeling cute and a hair cut can really make or break this feeling. This experience has given me a new appreciation for a GOOD HAIRCUT! I pay my stylist not just for the cut but for the creativity and ability to shape my hair in a way that is flattering- given the texture of my hair and features of my face. Now I know she is worth every penny and more!

you know you've found the right doctor when....

You smile when you find your yearly reminder in the mail.

You are excited to make a follow-up appointment- even it is for your yearly exam!

You can ask her to hold your hand when blood is being drawn and she actually does it with a smile on her face and warmth in her touch- NO SHAMING INVOLVED!

You create a blog to tell all your friends how important it is to find the "right" doctor and you are oozing with delight about finding your own "right" doc because you too have experienced the "not so right" doc just like so many other women out there.

Ladies be encouraged, there are in fact some good side-bed mannered docs out there- happy hunting!

at home and back to work

I flew in last night and I am back in the swing of things my first day back.

Made breakfast for my love

Prepared all my meals at home- YUMMY real food!

Did my weekly household chores

Paid some bills and called to inform others that their $$$ was in the mail- OOPS!

Started working on my dissertation again- yikes I've got to get BUSY

Wrote and sent a few thank you notes to the interviewers at my most favorite sites:)

Visited my gym- it feels good to work out at my neighborhood gym again

Went tutoring with Jason

Hung out at one of my favorite coffee shops doing homework and BLOGGING!

Now I've got to get back to work as I only have a few more hours to finish my to do list for the day.

Breaking the silence...

I am in a blog funk..... For the last several months (dating back to the start of internship applications and prelim dissertation deadlines- August?)although I love to chat it up, I haven't been in the "mood" to blog. Quite frankly my energy level has been depleted and the last thing I feel like doing, inside or outside of school, is writing. Even though I've been away from school the last month, I have been exhausted by internship interviews. Some of the interview days were from 8am to 6pm with 7 personal interviews packed in and I needed 2 days to rest off the nerves and prepare for the next one. My words have been taken up and my creativity spent. The good news is that things are a changing as I finished the last of my in person interviews on Tuesday! This trip was simply wonderful for several reasons:

1. It marked the end of my 5 week travel with only 4 days spent at home.

2. My younger sister Koy'a joined me and we had a girl's weekend- I can't remember the last time it was just the 2 of us!

3. The part of Cali we visited was 5 miles from the beach and the town was more beautiful than expected! The landscape was very green and the hills were a rollings.

4. I didn't have to fly alone- I have decided that I really don't like to fly and being alone only makes it worse.

5. I celebrated the completion of my last interview with a movie (Juno), shopping (BR), and a 30 minute massage with my sister.

Well, those are just a few of the top reasons why this trip was so relaxing and refreshing. As the words return I hope to find myself back in the mood to share the happenings of my life.

The FIRST INTERVIEW

I am proud to say that I DID IT- I made it through my first interview and feel pretty good about the whole thing to be honest. The best part of the interview was my ability to be ME- really me. I wasn't overly nervous and I felt comfortable. The interviewers asked thoughtful questions but not the kind that are really a "TEST" Other than its location I was ready to rank the site today. The population is ideal, I'd be working in a foster boarding home and a group home of unwed mothers and their children (0-5). The staff seemed warm and knowledgeable. It is a Catholic organization so faith is acknowledged and accepted. Therapy and diagnosis are emphasized and the orientation is both dynamic and cbt. It was a great place for a first interview - I thought to myself at one point, "Kara, you really do know a lot about working with kids." It was a confidence booster. I am glad it is over and I look forward to a few weeks of rest in between the next set of interviews.

THE COUNT

So far I have 9 interviews, 1 rejection, and 4 more to be decided by Friday.

I can't even begin to tell you how amazed I am. Honestly, I was hoping for a couple of interviews and would have been thrilled with 4. Jason, Mindy, and I would joke about only being able to take 7 due to finances. So far I am flying to 3 places and trying to knock out 2 interviews per air flight. And it just so happens that J & I have been accruing air miles for the last 7 and a half years. Right now (perfect timing) we have enough for 4 round trip tickets. I have 5 interviews scheduled, am negotiating with 1 site, and am trying to decide if I should go to the 3 others..... We are thinking "so do we really want to live in Florida, Connecticut, or California?" I think Connecticut is out and Florida might be in its way too but we vacillate with California because even though it is expensive. it is the closest to our family who we are already starting to miss and nothing is finalized yet! The locations of the sites I have already confirmed interviews are: Kentucky, Tennessee, Louisiana, and NY. The sites in Kentucky and Tennessee are only 2 hrs apart so J will hopefully join me on this trip and we will drive from site to site. Jason and I haven't done much traveling since our honeymoon so this will be a fun adventure for us. I love car trips, as a result of my childhood vacations:)- thanks Dad and Mom, but J doesn't seem to get excited about them unless it is in APPALACHIA territory. Looks like this trip will be a WIN WIN- I love when that happens! Thanks for all your prayers and your willingness to hear me talk about my grad school experiences over and over. Friends and family I could not have done this with out you all- thanks for your love and support. MORE TO COME...

Deep Roots: Part I

Today I blog about many things because I can- I am actually taking the time to sit at a coffee shop, sip on coffee, and write about the things I WANT TO- hope you enjoy

I saw a picture that reminded me of my love of lakes and rivers. (I'd post the picture but can't get it to work!) As a child my parents took the family camping every year and on these vacations we would swim, ski, inter-tube, float, wade, or any other activity that one could do in water. These are my favorite childhood memories- I was free to run a muck. I fondly think of the warm summer days lounging around with my loving family and surmise that summer is in fact my favorite season because of these formidable experiences. As an adult I realize how much work it was for my parents- thank you Mom and Dad for working so hard on my behalf! I am indebted to you for the love and affection you have shown me throughout the years!

The picture also reminded me of the many summers I spent at Dorena lake as a teenager. Koy'a I think fondly of the years we spent growing together. You are the kind of sister who loves, loves, loves, and loves some more. Jason tries to analyze our relationship and often says, "Kara you take care of Koy'a more like an the oldest sibling would." I of course pipe in and say, "Koy'a takes care of me too J. We are this way (naturally I psychologize our relationship- just trying to remain consistent)because we shared a room and even when we didn't we still acted like we be. We were only 19 months apart- In my memory Koy'a has always been there and will always will be. This makes "us" special friends." Koy'a thank you for loving me, enjoying me, and pursuing me.

Naturally this brings me to Kaysia- my adult years have been showered with Kaysia's generosity. She has been the "older sister" who naturally helped her little sis out time and again. I think fondly of when I first moved to "her" city and she made the time to work out with me- oh the YMCA. I think it was Kaysh who got me into exercising- most who know me when asked about me would mention my enthusiasm for exercise and would find it hard to imagine me without it. What a great example Kaysh was for a young, very young (late bloomer:) aspiring girl in a new city. Thanks Kaysh for loving me with both your words and deeds throughout the years. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and know that I can always count on you.

More to come on my roots....

Update- I did it!

Well it is over and yes I passed. I must say I am disappointed with the "let down"- I still have all the adrenaline but am feeling exhausted. I should sleep for days but my mind is racing! In fact now my mind feels even more full with all the loose ends I've let unravel over the last 3-4 months. Might I also mention that with the holiday season upon us and the increase of traffic and RAIN, running errands is even less desirable. As if taking clothes to the dry cleaners or picking up air filters for the furnace was ever that enjoyable in the first place.....

I am thankful it is over but truly I wish it were all over- including the internship interviews and placement for next year. Sometimes I wish it were more about "getting there" then about the "process of getting there" because the process is the hardest part.

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement!

Prelim or Bust

Well tomorrow is a big day for me as I am scheduled to present my dissertation proposal to my committee. I am seeking their approval and the green light to start collecting the data. After 12 years of volunteer schooling, I am both aware of how blessed I am to have the opportunity to gain this education as well as the exhaustion I currently feel as a result of this pursuit. I wish my presentation tomorrow brought closure but I am aware that this marks another beginning. If I pass I will start collecting the data like a mad women as I aim to have it all gathered by the end of this semester so I can start analyzing the data and writing up the results and discussion during the summer. I want to be done with this project by the time I leave for internship. It will take more hard work and discipline to meet this goal.

Please keep me in your prayers tomorrow from 4-6 as I present. I'll post the outcome......

4 months and counting

Can't believe it has been four months since my last entry. I made promises and failed to keep them.... This semester has been the hardest for me so far and I found extra words were few and far between. I am looking forward to catching up on sleep- not sure this is possible- and spending time with friends and family. I must admit that knowing we are likely to be leaving this summer stirs up a desire to disconnect now. It is hard to think about all I'll miss while away. The closer the reality of moving comes the less appealing it sounds. Thats all for now.

No more blogging promises- just one day at a time.

29 has come and gone

I celebrated my 30th birthday last week..... I had a wonderful day and felt very loved throughout the evening as I was surrounded by good friends. Here is to another year of love, peace, and hope.

good smelling things....

I love this scent.

An unpredictable story...

It is my belief that we all live according to a narrative. The stories we tell ourselves are powerful promoters of thoughts, feelings and actions. I see the outworking of this in my marriage. The other day in an argument, Jason questioned my conclusion about his behavior. I discovered that my interpretation of the situation was based on one of the roles I've traditionally scripted Jason to play. Here are a few of the stories I tell myself and the consequential behavior it leads to.

1. I am the hard worker in our marriage and he is the smart one - I clean and he reads
2. Jason is a night owl and Kara is the early bird- He tucks me in nightly and I try to rouse him in the wee hours of the afternoon.
3. Kara is the emotional one and Jason is the logical one- Kara plays the emotionally disturbed individual while Jason is the hero who convinces her that all is well.

These stories are true in part but are far from the whole. The high price for the type of black and white certainty I am drawn to is FREEDOM and HOPE- for change. In addition, I often lack acceptance of change when it inevitably occurs. Caught in the prescribed roles of my story I forget that both Jason and I possess the ability to create our own lines. I like scripts as they provide a sense of security, I can read ahead and know how it is all going to turn out. The script I've been living by and imposing on my husband isn't consistent with the Christian narrative I embrace as it lacks the potential for human change and growth.

This week we laughed at some of our recent observations:
1. On several occasions Jason has dragged me to bed after midnight.
2. Jason cleaned the toilet.
3. He was up 2x this week before me
4. He showered before we went out and I didn't!
5. A recent conversation:

Kara: lets invite people over
Jason: tonight?
Kara: how about right now?
Jason: I thought you'd want us to clean up the place first?
Kara: It's not that messy.

I blogged a few weeks ago about my new found appreciation and enjoyment of surprises- I think my thoughts today are connected. I am eager to be surprised as Jason and I create the pages of our novel together- i love unpredictable books that hold me in suspense and force me to read on......

a good morning

Jason and I actually did it- we planned a coffee date at Stumptown before he left for work at 11:00 today and we followed through. For most this activity might seem commonplace however for Jason and Kara this is anything but ordinary. Jason likes to sleep in and I am usually consumed with my morning "to do" list. I was thankful this wasn't the case this morning as we walked hand in hand to our local Stumptown dealer. We sipped coffee and read together for an hour. It was Jason who had to take off first while I stayed to finish my book. What a wonderful way to start my day.

I just finished reading...

This was a thought provoking book- religiously and politically. I am eager to hear other's thoughts on the ideas presented by Ayaan Hirsi Ali.

Things I've come to enjoy

1. knitting anywhere- on the bus, in line at the coffee shop, in the car, watching Law & Order
2. Stumptown coffee- you can always count on a good cup of coffee.
3. Taking a break after working hard
4. Candle lit showers
5. morning workouts
6. staying up late
7. Riding the bus- we have a great public transportation system
8. Music and concerts
9. The crisp morning air
10. reading
11. the online dictionary and thesaurus
12. living with house-mates
13. apple juice sweetened cranberries- yum, yum
14. Fall
15. Blueberries and Cream
16. Variety- in my schedule, clothes and food
17. Popcorn with brewers yeast
18. Camping at the beach
19. NPR
20. Jason's sense of humor
21. Saturdays without a TO DO LIST- that means no chores either.
22. blogging
23. mix matched outfits- "variety is the spice of life" so my husband tells me.
24. a man's hand touch in the garden



Jason brought these in from the yard today- they remind me of my mom. When I was a child we typically had a vase, in the center of the kitchen table, filled with colorful roses. My mother tended to the roses back then much like Jason tends to ours now.

25. working in the yard with Jason- it is fun to work on projects together!



Here is our first section of new grass. Looking at our house from the street, this is the far left side of our driveway. Our neighbor re-did his entire lawn with sod over the weekend and upon completion found that he had a few pieces left over, so he offered them to us. Yesterday, we tilled, raked, and leveled the ground in preparation of the sod. We are excited to transform the outside of our home.....

We decided to make the rest of the long strip (it goes all the way back to the end of our property line in the backyard, alongside the garage)part of the vegetable garden. We will get some good top soil and see what we can grow this late in the season.

26. I've also come to enjoy the saying, "SOME is better than none."

unraveled at the seams

Since we bought our tickets to NY in February, I have been planning on making significant progress on Jason's birthday sweater of 2003. Yes, I am aware that it is 2007 and that I have taken the sweater apart more times than I care to admit- so it is a work in progress, just like me. Back to the point- flying and knitting. I had envisioned a peaceful trip with my needles in hand and my yarn taking on an identifiable shape. My naive fantasy involving circular and double pointed needles in mid-air reveals the absence of any flying adventures I've had in the last seven years. Not until today, when a co-worker told me of her disdain for airport procedures, were my dreams of spools of yarn and rounds of needles ruined. I inquired and learned the many "No, No's" of the airfield. It is sad that knitting needles are now considered weapons. Can't blame a girl for having big dreams- the smile on her husband's face when she finally gave him his long awaited birthday gift. I look forward to the day when LOVE not hate and violence prevails- when the lamb will lay down with the lion again.

He said what?

Jason: While I am gone, I need you to clean our bedroom.

As most of you know Jason has spent the last 7 years trying to get me to STOP cleaning. His love of learning was contagious and so instead of cleaning, he talked me into reading. I was excited to join Jason's world and as a result we currently house 5 book shelves worth of books and neither of has completed our final degree..... With each year of education the time allotted for cleaning gets scaled down. With the purchase of our home last year and all of the work that it required, my cleaning time become non-existent. And thus we arrive in the present and find Jason- the man who had almost convinced me that cleaning was an overrated luxury, similar to showers so he tells me, not a necessity- asking me to use my god-given cleaning abilities to rid our bedroom of dirt and dust. It was a request that I fantasized about many a nights over the course of our relationship. I also had an insight about the dynamics of our cyclical cleaning battles, "maybe I haven't exposed Jason to enough dirt?" This thought was succeeded by the following conversation...

Jason: "Kara, what's this pink stuff in the shower?"

Kara: "MOLD!"

Jason: "I've never seen pink mold in our bathroom."

Jason, a few minutes later: "how do you get it off?"

Kara: "clean."

This week Jason changed one of the long standing narratives in our relationship; Kara cleans and Jason doesn't notice. Jason not only noticed and requested the dirt be CLEANED, he also cleaned his first toilet in 7 years and scrubbed his first bathroom floor. When I awoke, my bathroom sparkled- I am convinced that he too possess the cleaning gift he just hasn't had the need or chance to use it yet:)

Surprised

Just the other day I discovered how much I love surprises. I am someone who likes to be in control, so surprises have never been that attractive. However, my house-mate surprised me with a gift and I can't tell you how much I enjoyed it. The gift was wonderful but the thought that went into it was the real treat..... Below is a picture of the CD I was pleasantly surprised with.



PS- FEIST will be in Portland on June 25Th at the Crystal Ballroom.

Currently listening to....

yet another great find by my Jason. So some women are greeted with flowers or possibly a freshly cleaned house when they get home, but my husband fills our lives with music.